Moving Day...

Change is good, right? Well, after a few years with blogger I've moved to another host- but you're only a click away...

http://expectantandbeyond.wordpress.com

Leave it to the Pros...

I've been cutting my husband's hair for a decade. It all started when we were newly married, undergraduate students, broke, and really flexible. To save a few bucks, we invested in a pair of Conair clippers from Wal-Mart and decided I would be the family stylist. The first few hair cuts were admittedly rough- but I eventually acquired necessary skills like blending shorter and longer hair. In recent years- dare I say I've gotten pretty darn good at grooming my hubby's locks?!

So- it seemed only natural to me that styling a male toddler's hair couldn't be that much more of a challenge. I thought it would require the same skill set that I've refined on my good-sport husband. Sure- last summer I buzzed Silas' hair... but today I was picturing something different. More "style" with length on top, shorter bottom, side part, trimmed out ears and neck- just a cute little boy cut. Actually, just like the professional cut he got a few months ago for $15... the only professional cut he's ever had.

But, I was determined. I laid a towel out on the floor, set up a chair and his booster seat in front of our TV, put on Thomas the Train, stripped Silas down to essential clothing (t-shirt and diaper), gave him a Popsicle for good measure and ample distraction, and began "trimming." As soon as the clippers started to buzz and hair started flying, I realized my first error. Silas hates it when his food gets dirty and the hair shavings attracted to the Popsicle like flies to a feast. Not good. So then, the squirming started- and I was trying to both clean Silas and his Popsicle while continuing to cut his hair. Not good. The trim turned into a butchered short cut... shorter than I intended, with a buzzed lower half and a slightly longer top... but by the end of the 20 minute Thomas show, Silas had reached his max and I wasn't able to "blend" it yet. He got a bath- and spent the afternoon hours looking like the punchline of a bad joke. So tonight, I was determined to "fix" it once Dave was home and could "help". I was set up and ready to "blend"... which actually went pretty well. Then I asked Dave to get me the longest attachment for the clippers because there were some long, straggly hairs on the top of Silas' head. Here's another one of my errors... he handed me the attachment and I just assumed it was the right one... so I put it on and started clipping. As soon as I saw the reverse Mohawk (a stripe down the middle of Silas' head) I realized Dave had inadvertently not grabbed the longest attachment... so the hairdo was getting shorter and shorter. By the end of it all... it looks like an intentional cut. In fact, I could probably pretend it's what I had planned all along. It's longer than a buzz on top, but not completely comb-able either. But come on... he has his 2-year pictures in two weeks... what was I thinking??? All I can do now is hope to get a few laughs out of the ordeal. Can you hear me laughing... not quite yet, but maybe in a day or two!!

Pass on the Cheese

Just last week I was in prime cheese cravings. There were cheese balls, cheese sticks, grilled cheese sandwiches, cheese on my salads, and even cheesy popcorn. Then, a few days ago I enjoyed a snack of cheese ball and wheat thins... and much to my surprise it came back to revisit me... the vomiting returned. Today I had a grilled cheese sandwich for lunch... and guess what? It came back to visit me. I think Baby Girl is done with cheese for awhile. But, she quickly replaced her cravings... now, we're on to apples and milk. I have multiple apples per day... and multiple tall glasses of skim milk. Outside of pregnancy... I just don't drink milk... I don't enjoy it. But dare I say it- I would grab a tall glass of milk over a can of Coke right now... and that's pretty serious business. It makes it so obvious to me that my body is truly not my own right now!

Lost in my thoughts...

I think I've realized why blogging has been challenging for me lately. It's because I usually write to process my thoughts and feelings or what is going on in my life. In a way- I think God uses the act of writing for me as a way that He speaks to my heart. But in recent months, the things on the forefront of my mind haven't been blog-shareable... which has left me in a conundrum. I don't possess the creative capacity to "skip over" what's really stirring inside me and still write... so I've been rather write-less (speechless). Some things are still too personal to try and process in this space, but... I do feel some freedom to get one big thing out there... and it's a time line. I know... whoop-di-doo... what's the big deal??

Our baby girl is due in June. A few months back we made the decision not to renew our lease for our duplex- which means we have to move out on July 25th. When baby girl is 8-10 weeks old (likely end of August/early September) we will be heading to South Africa as a family, for an unknown period of time. My husband will be finishing his dissertation research and he has applied for several grants to fund this adventure- but we won't know the outcome of any of the grants until it is almost time for us to go... in fact, from May to September is when we should find out the results. But this whole thing is bigger than "just the facts" too. Dave and I have always had a deep sense of knowing that at some point in our lives we would end up in South Africa and working with our friends who founded and direct an incredible faith-based non-profit there called Thrive Africa. And as this "trip" approaches, we are stirred in our hearts to let go of "planning" and to let go of our ideas of "arrival and departure" and just go... take it one step at a time and wait for God's plan to unfold.

Historically, I would love this sense of uncertain trust. Knowing that I don't have to worry, but also knowing that God is doing something in our lives. Now that I'm a parent- I find this much more challenging. I see it as my responsibility to know how all of the details will work in taking two small children to another country. I feel an obligation to know that there is financial "security". I feel like I need to ensure that my children will have all of the same "opportunities" that they would here (play dates, library time, toddler tumble time, mommy and me classes....). I question how going international is going to rock my parenting. I question how going international is going to shape my children. Even if it is for a few months.

And then, there is that voice the beckons from deep in my heart and soul... do not worry about what you will eat or drink, or what you will wear... do not worry about tomorrow... I know the plans I have for you and they are plans to prosper you and not to harm you... I'm being stretched as a parent to not only live this for myself- but to apply it to how I view myself as my children's provider. It's tough... it takes work... and I'm totally in-process.

So this might open up a bunch of questions for some of my readers (particularly family). And I should clarify- that no... we don't have any secret intentions of moving to South Africa for good. But like always and in every season of our lives... we're telling God that we want to follow His plan... and right now, all that we know for sure is that we'll be heading to the Southern hemisphere sometime in August or September. And, while my thoughts sometimes race about all that taking a family of four to another country entails... I have to say that I'm at peace... which speaks volumes to me.

Scatter-brained

I haven't been able to maintain a cohesive line of thinking in order to put together a single-subject blog post. So instead of just being absent... I'm going to give you the bulleted list version of my life for the past week or so... which is a pretty accurate picture of how scatter-brained I've been feeling...

• On Friday, I surprised Dave with a complete date night. I went totally out of my box by taking us to a restaurant we'd never tried- that was in a town about 40 minutes away that we'd never visited. After a wonderful meal we went to another new town for an art opening- an ideal night for my hubby. And ahhhh, the bliss of an evening out alone together!
• Last weekend, while Dave was in San Fransisco, I had a girls weekend with my friend Emily. She flew in from KY and we had a totally low-key but totally fabulous weekend. She'd never seen any of the Bourne movies- so we watched the trilogy :) Emily also spoiled Silas rotten- and now whenever he plays with his trains that she got him... he has a big smile on his face and says "Emmy." I think Silas has his first crush!
• I finally think I'm over the pregnancy-related vomiting- but there are a few random things that still trigger my gag reflex. #1- poopy diapers (which certainly can't be avoided), #2 having too much toothpaste foam in my mouth when brushing my teeth, #3 using Q-tips to clean my ears, and #4 coughing. That being said- it's been over a week since anything I put in my tummy has come back up... and this is worth celebrating!
• I've also been having some strange food cravings... like cheese sticks with ranch dressing, strawberry slushes from Sonic (because there are no 7-11's with Coke slurpees anywhere near me), strawberry Pop Tarts, everything flavored bagels with veggie cream cheese, and homemade cheese ball and crackers (Alece's cheese ball recipe... YUMMY). Now don't fret- my indulgences are fairly well controlled and this is not an accurate picture of my nutritional intake... but it's certainly the tasty stuff!
• We're having another weekend blizzard here in IA. Winter is not letting up at all and the piles of snow have been around for weeks- and just keep getting bigger. Last Monday, I totally wiped out on the ice- a particular hazard for pregnant women because the change in our center of gravity makes it harder to maintain balance. There was nothing graceful about my fall...but certainly there was grace in me having just enough time to twist from a belly-down to a side-down position before smacking the icy ground. Aside from some strange bruising and corresponding aching- me and baby were fine.
• Something I find totally cute- Silas has started joining in our prayer before dinner. To try and help establish some routine we've switched from our normal whatever is on our hearts/minds prayer to the classic "God is great..." version. So Silas utters out "God is great... followed by a substantial pause... and then a hearty A-MEN!" There's just something about this that totally makes me smile.
• I had previously mentioned an upcoming slideshow- but you get these instead...

Dave on the Golden Gate Bridge

By Request II...

This picture is from today... and I like it a little better than the last photo I posted... almost not as "blobbish." It's hard to believe that I'm 23 weeks... which means there are still LOTS of weeks of belly growth ahead... and, I promise I'll share the photos... the good, the bad, and the blobbish!!

By Request...

Okay- here you go... this is from today... 22.5 weeks...

The Groundhog Said So

It was earlier this week that the groundhog saw his shadow- pronouncing that winter would last for another 6 weeks. But I've never really seen winter like this... we are BURIED in snow and more just keeps coming. I'm terrible at trying to estimate how much snow is actually on the ground... it's definitely more than a foot... probably closer to two feet... but then the mountains that have been formed from attempting to clear sidewalks and roads stand as tall, if not taller, than I do (and I'm just over 6'). I know the snow has caused some problems and it makes getting around town a bit of a hassle... but there's something about it that I love. In the hours just after the big storm, it was like the busyness of life was on mute... this heavy but airy blanket had covered everything... and it was just peaceful. The brightness of the snow is a nice contrast to the general gray of winter... it actually seems to have lifted my mood a little bit... and that's always a good thing.

I was going to post some pictures- which will have to come later... because they are still on the camera, which Dave has with him... and he left early this morning for San Fransisco. He's doing some swanky art things for the museum here... and hopefully he'll have time to take in some sights... he's never been to California (can you hear the theme song from OC in the background...?). So... a slideshow is in your future... and I know you're thrilled!

Moments to Remember

Tonight I had one of those parenting moments that I wish I could bottle... and save for a rainy day, or a day when my children are grown... or for any moment that I need reminded of why I am mom. Silas' bedtime has always been one of my favorite parts of the day. Not because it means my parenting duties are winding down until morning... but because Silas is such a gentle spirit in those moments before going to bed. He's cuddly... he loves it when I sing to him (yes, we have a special song that's just for him)... and he embraces his blanket in a way that just melts my heart. Tonight we were sitting in the rocker, and after he finished his sippy cup of milk, he turned towards me and wanted to snuggle. He had his legs bent so he could curl up towards me and rest his head on my chest- right above my heartbeat. He gripped my shirt with one hand and his blanket with the other and we just rocked. I took in every scent of his freshly washed hair... let myself drift off in his own rhythmic breathing... and prayed for him in a way that only his mother could. Silas doesn't often fall asleep in my arms...but tonight he did... and after he was sleeping soundly, I found myself just sitting there... holding him for a few extra moments... taking it all in. He is a gift.

iPod Bliss

Time to look past at all the ugly going on right now... and share some bliss :)

Yesterday I happened to meet the FedEx man as he was walking up to my door. Hmmmm, I thought... is he in the right place?! Then he said he had a package for "Amy" and I excitedly signed for it. I was shocked to discover that my Kitty sent me an iPod- as a very early (and ahem...extravagant!!)) birthday gift. She recently learned how behind the musical times I am (or was) and sought to remedy this. What I didn't know... was what musical bliss I had been missing... it's GREAT!!! So as my Mom has been here taking care of all of us- and taking Silas on outings to burn energy... I've been getting acquainted with this new fabulous technology. Thanks again Kitten... you've literally rocked my world :)

Soooo... if you have any must-have musical hits in your repertoire... let me know about them... cuz' I'm even starting to get comfortable with iTunes (humorous, I know...).

SOS

I sent out an SOS to my mom on Saturday- and she flew in yesterday afternoon. There are sometimes when you just need family's help... and that time is now for us. Turns out... I didn't have any strange bug bites... I have hives.... one annoying symptom in what has now become a very long list of physical discomforts that are accompanying this monster virus... not to mention fever, terrible body aches... need I go on? My husband is also down and out... he has laryngitis. For both of us... the doctors are saying we need rest more than anything else- which is nearly impossible to get when caring for a rowdy toddler... and hence my SOS. This is the first time since we've been parents that we've both gotten blasted with debilitating sicknesses at the same time...and it has been rough. My mom looked like a beacon of light when I picked her up at the airport yesterday... all I could think was help has arrived... hallelujah! I'm so thankful... and now, I'm going to go take a nap.

Creepy Crawly

So, I'm not totally anti-bug or creepy crawly. I'm only anti when these creatures pop up where they aren't supposed to be... like in my home. I'm very aware when I'm outside that I'm in their turf... so bug bites, etc... are all part of the outdoor package, and I actually love being outdoors. But inside... that's my domain...and it generally means that intruders get smooshed, unless they're sneaky. I have (what I assume) is one such villain somewhere in my bedroom...and it's driving me crazy. Two days ago I woke up with a few little bites that itched. I didn't think much of it... but this morning... I found a trail of evidence along my body that something was crawling all over me, and nibbling on me, while I slept. I am not okay with this!! I have a bite between my index and pointer finger on my right hand... one on my elbow... one on my right butt cheek (YIKES), a few on each leg, and one on my right ankle. Hungry little sucker...

So now, it's time to get drastic. I've stripped the bed, moved it, vacuumed curtains and every reachable surface, washed linens, cleared my closet floor... and the list goes on. I've not come face to face with this creepy crawly... but hopefully the power of my Dyson sucked it right up without me even knowing. Maybe tonight I'll sleep with one eye open...

Beckoned

I don’t have the words to say how I feel
so Lord hear my prayer as I say I am here
I know I’m broken inside…
and I’m tempted to hide…
but with all that I feel,
I just have to kneel…

My tears fall like anchors
that keep me in sorrow…
I keep looking back-
don’t have the strength for tomorrow
But you say you’re my hope…
and you say you’re my song…
come and be that in me…
help me carry-on

You don’t look away
when faced with my pain
help me bring it to you…
it’s your freedom I’ll gain
letting go of this burden
feels like a loss…
but you beckon me…
to leave it at the cross.

I've Succumbed...

...to wearing a coat. It's not that I'm anti-coat, it's just that practically speaking- the few minutes of warmth a big winter coat provides is outweighed by much larger amount of time I spend trying to keep it out of my way once I'm inside. Classic case- me and Silas go to the mall to play at the "inside park." I have his coat, his winter hat, a diaper bag and a stroller- whose basket conveniently holds all of those said items. If I add my coat and any extra outerwear accessories... they've got no where to be stashed... so I end up wearing them in some form or fashion, and inevitably end up wishing I didn't have it with me.

However, I can admit when I've been in error... such as this morning. Silas woke up painfully early (5:20am) after having two unusual middle of the night meltdowns... so we're all a little tired today, which for a toddler often translates into cranky. By 8:45 I knew we needed to get out of the house- so I bundled him up and packed up the necessary gear (which excluded outerwear for me) and headed to the "inside park" while being thankful that the craziness of the mall wouldn't start until after 10am. Once I was outside- in my OSU sweatshirt, jeans, and a baseball hat... I knew the air was frigid...and forgoing outerwear was not a wise decision. Once our truck warmed up... the thermometer on the rear-view mirror finally changed from "ice" to -7. I put on the public radio station to hear the forecast... and I heard the wind-chill warnings... that our high today is 5+ but our wind-chill makes the air feel like -27. Holy cow... and I'm the crazy one without any outerwear (lesson learned).

By the way, I'm sure my stuffy head and sore throat has nothing to do with any of this...hmmmmm.

Ultrasound News...